From Burnout to Balance: My Journey Out of “Superwoman Syndrome”
Picture this:
I show up every single day in my 9-5 killing every project that's handed my way.
My friends and family all know I'm the go-to-person to fix any problem that they have.
My husband adores me and brags about me to his coworkers, friends, sometimes even strangers if they listen to him talk long enough.
My salary has increased over the years.
I've been able to travel to places that I could only dream of years ago.
I can look back at years past and see all the progress that has been made personally and professionally.
To others, it looks like I have it all together and I can only go up from here.
The reality?
I am one problem away from having a full-on, soul-shattering mental breakdown that will take months to recover from.
I listened to an audio message the other day that I sent to a friend that sounded like I had absolutely lost all semblance of sanity. I knew that one hug or someone asking me, "how can I help?" was not going to fix it.
The irony? If I had allowed someone to help me in the first place - I wouldn't be in this damn predicament in the first place.
What “Superwoman Syndrome” Looked Like for Me
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Monica. Monica Latrice as you will soon get to know me, and I'm in active recovery of a thing called Superwoman Syndrome. I could sit here and give you this super long complex theory about what it is but to keep things simple and short, it's this: Superwoman Syndrome is the mindset that you must be everything, to everyone, all the time.
It's overcommitting to things when you know you're already at capacity.
The idea that you have to do or say things to keep those around you happy - even when it makes you miserable.
Feeling like you constantly have to perform so that you can say you were a productive member of society today.
Being unable to rest without feeling like you should be working on something, even when you know it's time to wind down.
Tying up your self-worth in achievements and accolades instead of your values and what makes you unique as a person.
These were the thoughts that often became my reality for so many years - except, I didn't have a term for it.
I thought I was a hard worker.
I thought I was more motivated than others.
I thought that my ambition would be the driving factor that got me everything that I wanted from my life.
Only what ended up happening was that one day, I looked back on the past years of my life and realized that despite all that I had accomplished, I was still unhappy…and I had no idea why.
After all, I thought I had done everything right.
My Breaking Point
The year was 2023.
I had left urgent care for the fourth time that year and was told I had bronchitis, again. 🙄
This was coupled with countless migraines and panic attacks each month, terrible digestive health, and a sleep schedule that was comparable to a newborn that never slept.
I was miserable.
Professionally, that marked one of the most pivotal moments in my career as I stepped into an Operations Director role. My responsibilities grew, the events I managed grew, the number of members more than doubled. And my workload was 4x the amount it previously was.
I went from working 40-hour workweeks to 70 hours the majority of the year. If I wasn't managing an event, I was building website pages, designing forms, implementing new processes and systems all while neglecting a decent sleep schedule, healthy foods, and the only exercise I was seeing at the time were 17 hour days where I stood or walked in circles as I was onsite for a conference.
My body had had enough. It was trying to tell me to rest.
But all I knew how to do was work. I felt like if I slowed down, I would lose momentum. That I would miss opportunities. That everything I strived so hard to achieve would slip through my fingers.
Later that year, I would attend a conference and learn all about Superwoman Syndrome. Why I felt like I needed to be all things all the time.
I became aware of the problem.
The Wake-Up Call
I'm (almost) embarrassed to say that it would be two years later until I finally had a wake-up call that something needed to change because I landed in the emergency room. Suddenly, it wasn't one health problem, it was five.
Everyone kept saying the same thing: You need to take care of yourself.
It was in that moment I decided it wasn't going to take a near-death experience next time before I realized that enough was enough.
Working around the clock isn't sustainable. Hell, it's not even fulfilling anymore.
When I asked myself why I was doing this and couldn't come up with an answer, it made me realize that this was going to take more than lifestyle choices. It was also going to take a mindset shift.
The Shift
Therapy sessions began the painful process of examining all my relationships: at work, with friends, my marriage.
Acknowledging I had poor boundaries.
Saying yes when I really should've said no.
Making everyone's else's priorities my problem instead of focusing on my own.
Creating unnecessary pressure on myself with invisible standards that only I could see because I thought everything had to be perfect.
The shift came when I began to envision a life where I only focused on what mattered most to me.
What if I did things without worrying about what everyone else thought or worse - expected - of me?
How would it feel to put things on pause and not feel remorseful because I wasn't "productive" enough?
The more unnecessary weight I shed of things that were of low priority, the lighter I noticed I began to feel.
What Did I Learn?
Learning to rest without feeling like you needed to "earn it" takes time. I'm STILL struggling with this as I write this today. And it's probably because all of my life I received the message from colleagues, teachers, professionals (across industries), influencers, the list goes on - that you always need to be in grind mode if you want to be successful.
But I've learned over time that I am more than what I can produce. My level of productivity doesn't define who I am as a person. I'm not a better person because I made the choice to work double the amount of hours on an assignment or project without being asked. My value doesn't increase because I decided to push past physical and mental exhaustion to accomplish everything on a list.
Over time any breaks or vacations on their own became less effective because it took longer than half the time I took off to convince myself that I should be resting. Instead, I felt anxious or restless - even guilty - because I'm always focusing on the next thing.
Where Am I Today?
This isn't to say that I no longer struggle with balancing my purpose, my profession, and relationships. I still have those moments more often than I would like.
But it's the level of awareness and being able to modify my behavior from continuing to make the same mistakes to making the possibility of living an aligned life a reality. It's not just a “what if” anymore - it's here.
And it continues to get better the more that I practice that philosophy in everything I do.
Enforcing boundaries is something that we always hear the importance of - but very rarely do people talk about what that looks like.
Hell, it could be a whole blog post all by itself. (As a matter of fact, it is – and you can find it HERE).
But depending on the role that you have created for yourself in the eyes of others, sometimes enforcing those boundaries are tougher than other areas of your life. And it's usually because it's the area of your life you've centered your entire identity on.
To now shift that to something else entirely often causes friction for those who share that area of your life.
So, no. I'm not "cured" because I've discovered the concept of Superwoman Syndrome.
Working hard was a major factor in my personality and what many of my current values were centered on. It's not something that has an off switch. But, because I've been able to help change my life for the better, it's easy for me to recognize overarching systems and patterns (both at home and for work) that contribute to burnout.
I see overachievement and perfectionism in others for what it is - a perception of self that's tied in everyone's expectations. And not that you shouldn't want to please others. The problem is when it becomes the center of the choices you make to your detriment.
What Should I Do Next?
I talk about many of my experiences in my content and podcast because hearing these things in a presentation, or a journal, even a blog (like this one), you can only share so much. It's often when we hear stories of someone else's experiences that we can relate to the topic and connect with it personally.
Whether you've gotten here from a YouTube video, From Burned out to Bossed Up, or you got here by accident - I want to personally welcome you to choose yourself.
How that looks depends on the person you are and what stage of life you’re in.
This could look like learning more about burnout, Superwoman Syndrome, or mental health. Maybe it looks like bringing on board someone who understands what's needed for you personally or professionally.... because I’ve been there. Sometimes, it's simply taking the time to acknowledge that you need to reflect on your own patterns and what your next move should be.
So, what's your next move?
👉🏾 If you want to hear more stories, I encourage you to check out my YouTube channel or podcast for more content.
👉🏾 Suffering from burnout and looking for a sustainable plan of recovery? Check out my strategy sessions to diagnose your source of overwhelm and create a plan of attack.
👉🏾 Managing a team, department, or company and you're spread too thin? I can help! Click here to check out the available services for hire.
